Relationships as a Means of Escape

Marriage has been a sacred act and remains a sacred act despite abuses in our present society. The rate of divorce cases, broken marriages and family problems increase by the day.  One begins to wonder why people who have known themselves for so long are unable to maintain that cordial relationship after marriage.

Although there are so many opinions on the reason for the increase in all these marital issues, however, all these boils down to misconceptions about relationships and marriage. One of the most common reasons for entering into relationships now is to free oneself from poverty and live a better life. Sometimes, this may not be an individual decision but may be due to a push from parents or friends.

So many young ladies have refused to return home because of the unending question of “when will you get married”? which is usually accompanied by comparing them to their friends and neighbours who are married. You notice that most parents do not recommend that their female children attain university education because of its own importance, but because they want a higher bride price.

At times when parents no longer have enough money to run the family, they persuade their young daughters to enter into marriage with the gibberish that “it is for the good of the family”. At other times, it is because of the burning desire to answer ‘grandpa, grandma’ that makes parents push their children into marriage.

It cannot all be from the parents after all because some of these relationships are propagated by young ladies themselves. It has almost become a type of ‘hustle’ in colloquial terms, which every young lady is hoping and praying for. To them, there is no need to work hard or stress themselves because their future husband must be a rich man.

Young ladies now look for men who can uplift their financial status because they do not want to be left behind. Although not all relationships which benefit one financially is false, and this article does not in any way imply that. However, we can see that many relationships like this are based on the idea of escape from poverty and related issues.

The consequences of this type of mindset are disastrous and can lead to no good. The longing for ‘already made wealth’ only brings in all sorts of queer attitudes which does not guarantee independence. While others think out new ways to improve their lives and their society, such people spend time thinking of how to attach themselves to wealthy individuals and enjoy wealth.

These are dreams too, but baseless and unethical ones that eat up the individual. Family problems have come up because of such ideas. Attitudes such as these can also imply a lack of self-acceptance.

From the point when this becomes the mindset of one in any relationship, problems will begin to build up and will continue to grow. There must be an examination of the mindset to determine what is intended while going into a relationship. Even if this is an initial interest, there can be a purification which will guarantee that the relationship is not built on such bases.

How wonderful will society be if every individual is working towards making positive contributions to its growth? If every person can think out ways to live better, then there wouldn’t be so much suffering in the world. The question that should help us meditate properly on this is: “if everyone else has the same intentions as I do, will the world be better or worse?”

A true answer given to this question would make us realize how our intentions and actions are disastrous to society. Everyone grows up hearing about broken marriages/marriage issues, and definitely, no one craves to have such occurrences in life. How then do all these cases keep springing up? This is a call for all re-evaluate inner intentions and know where we have missed the mark, in order to retrace our steps.

In his book “The Code of The Extraordinary Mind”, Vishen Lakhiani speaks of living above the culture-scape, which influences us and gives us trends to follow. It is time to transcend the normal exigencies of youthful living and become realistic. Forget about the trend that wants you to get a boyfriend only for financial reasons, forget about peers that get married early just because they have seen an opportunity for wealth.

Forget about pleasing your parents and siblings by accepting a marriage you do not want. Forget about all these and stick to what resonates with you. Relationships should have a strong foundation built on love which each partner has for the other. There is a connection between partners, and this connection is beyond wealth, beyond looks and beyond portfolios.

There is a long way to go after courtship, dates, marriage and honeymoon, and it is time to embrace the obvious truth we have refused to accept. These may be the flashy points in a relationship, but it is not the whole of the experiences in a relationship. Sometimes the desire for momentary pleasure and satisfaction lead people into relationships, but these relationships do not last because there is no way to determine.

There is no better way to take care of relationship issues than telling yourself the truth from the onset. When you determine the level compatibility with your partner, then you can take decisions on whether to continue or to end the relationship. This analysis cannot and should not be based on financial reasons because it will definitely be a wrong analysis.

In conclusion, all young people must become wise enough to learn from the mistakes of them. History and even daily events provide us with so much valuable information that can help us to avoid mistakes made by others. There is no need to fall into the same pit that has been identified by others. Parents must help their children to cultivate the right mindset and set the right priorities that will help them in future. Every decision must be backed up by reason. Finally, it must be borne in mind that one cannot enter into a relationship simply as a means of escape to poverty.