Table of Contents
Introduction
Most times in life, we are faced with situations where we feel almost left out by the rest of the world. We find it difficult to find ourselves amid the flux of things in society. There are times when we find it very difficult to regain our bearing in life. We seem to be lost but we can’t discover how we got lost. We move about our daily activities like robots; without being mindful of these activities.
Our universe has become so noisy that we find it very difficult to listen to ourselves. We think we are aware of what is going on around us, but trust me, we are not. To find ourselves; to hear ourselves, we need to move away from the crowd, we need to single ourselves out from the rest of the world. We need to be alone.
Often, we think we are in charge but we are not. It is necessary for every individual to make out some time to distance himself from the universe to watch, study, understand and reflect on it. We can only understand our environment when we distance ourselves from it. You can only have a clearer view of the hill from the valley, says Niccolò Machiavelli. Amid the hustles and bustles of life, we should strive at least for a moment to be where others are not.
Developing an Independent Mindset
In as much as we live in a community mutual codependence is encouraged. Amid this codependence, there is a need for individuals to develop a form of independent mindset. A form of independence in choices and decisions. Being where others are not, helps you create the ability to make decisions independent of popular opinion. Most times your counsel turns out to be the most correct one than the counsel of the many. There are certain situations in life when you need to listen to your inner voice and decide what to do before informing others. Though others may not mean harm, their counsel may be detrimental.
Considering the fact that we all are responsible for our actions; we should as much also be responsible for the decisions that lead to our actions. As a principle of solitude, being where others are not, provides you with the conducive environment that will help you contemplate your decisions to know how right or wrong, they may be. Yes, the counsel of others is important especially when we are in doubt. But always remember that what you are given is a counsel, not a command.
You should not swallow everything hook-line-and-sinker, try to reflect on what you are told before acting on them. You are solely responsible for your actions, not your counsellor. Being where others are not, entails doing what you want to do, not what others want you to do.
The Power of Solitude
“I have never found a companion so companionable as solitude,” says Henry D. Thoreau. Most often we see quiet people as boring and lonely, but most interestingly they are the ones who smile and laugh most deeply and very easily too. Those who practice solitude are 60% of the time very happy. Their joy depends on no other person but themselves. Most of the depressions we go through in life are a result of external actions of things around us, and because we are not mindful of our internal reactions, we easily get depressed.
Being where others are not, entails shutting the whole world outside and safely examining ourselves for some minutes or hours. It is only when we are within ourselves that we can re-examine our previous actions, discover our past mistakes, and very importantly, understand why things happen the way they happen around us and why others act the way they act towards us.
Thomas A Kempis in his popular book, My Imitation of Christ, explains that as often as one goes abroad, as often he comes back less a man. As often as we run around the crowd, chasing after cheap popularity, whiling away our times in things that do not matter, as often do we lose focus on our major purpose. Social gatherings and recreations are indeed important in as much as we are social beings, but we should never forget to be always mindful of who we are, where we are, and what we are doing. The moment we lose hold of ourselves and get carried away by our environment we begin to lose. Being where others are not as an act of the mind, requires always being mindful of ourselves as much as our environment.
The Practice of Being Where Others are Not
Nothing good comes easy, the art of being where others are not, requires a reasonable amount of self-discipline and practice. Here are five tips that will help you excel in the art of being where others are not.
#1. Be there before others:
As simple as this may sound, it is one of the most essential skills needed to harness the power of solitude. Most times we think we will be wasting our time waiting for others to arrive at an event. But being present before every other person helps us to focus our mind on what is to be discussed. By doing so we find out that we gain so many ideas by those few quiet moments which can give us an edge.
#2. Start your day earlier than the rest of society:
Beginning your day earlier already gives you first place and keeps you in charge of your day. 80% of people in our society wake up at other people’s terms. Most people wake up by six because they must get to work by 7:30 or 8:00 am. Living this way means living solely on other people’s terms. Being where others are not, entails being awake when every other person is sleeping. It means being there first before others, being present every day before every other person realizes that it is already a new day. The rule is simple, just try to get up at least an hour earlier than you used to. By following this discipline, you will be able to plan the rest of your day, cross out some tasks from your to-do list and also be psychologically alert even when others are struggling to get out of their late-night dreams.
#3. Swim against the tide:
In our contemporary society, it is very easy to be carried away by the trend of things. Doing what others are not doing seems to be foolishness. But there is power in being unique; in doing things others may have neglected. Most times people may disregard a particular book, lecture, or conference. You should not just join them in doing so. Try to find out how to benefit from them.
Most successful investors live by a common rule; “buy when others are selling and sell when others are buying.” This can be applied to any field of life when others are casting away, gather diligently. When others are resting, work. When others are sleeping, be awake. When others are talking, listen. And so on.
#4. Learn to be a good listener:
Listen to everything. Everybody has something meaningful to offer if only we can keep quiet and listen keenly. We gain more by listening than by talking. The keys to the secrets of success are hidden within the lips of people and every day the custodians of those keys give out clues but because we find it very difficult to keep quiet and listen, we often lose out. Being where others are not, requires the ability to listen when every other person is talking.
#5. Harness the power of meditative reflection:
Most times we carry out our daily to yearly activities without ever taking some time to reflect on our actions. Daily reflection on our lives will help us to realize our mistakes on time and look for ways to settle them. Before you begin your day take out some time to plan your day, meditate on what you plan on doing and see if they are worth doing. Also, before you end your day, reflect on your actions to see where you got things wrong and the things you got right.
Conclusion
Being where others are not is a key to solitude and self-mastery. It entails being able to decide for yourself what to do even if others are doing the opposite. It needs the disposition to swim against the current and to work with conviction. By being where others are not you learn to do things, not because everyone does them, but because you want to. Being where others are not is not only about position and place, it incorporates and transcends these: it is more a thing of the mindset, but also a thing of physical actions.
In life, self-dependence is the best form of dependence. Although mutual interdependency is encouraged, developing a self-dependent mindset makes you a king. [this does not mean being selfish.] harnessing the power of solitude by being where others are not, enables us to cultivate a healthy self-dependent mindset. Though this is only a piece of advice you can decide not to follow, they are workable steps for those who want to succeed and develop a healthy life of self-confidence.
Written by: Irokojo Uchenna E. From Umokoro Umuokeh Obowo. An undergraduate student of philosophy. A copywriter and content creator.