5 Best Books on Emotional Intelligence

In the 1990s Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer introduced the theory of emotional intelligence, and further developed  by Daniel Goleman. There are other notable people who wrote what could be considered as best books on emotional intelligence.

Some researchers claim that emotional intelligence is something anyone can learn and strengthen over time, while some others suggest it’s an inborn characteristic. Life experiences, books, environment, upbringing and other complex factors play a huge role to building emotional intelligence, thus reflects in our knowledge on how to deal with someone with low emotional intelligence.

What exactly is emotional intelligence?

Emotional intelligence, often known as emotional quotient, is the ability to understand, interpret, manage and use your own emotions in the best possible ways to  communicate effectively, overcome challenges, relieve stress, and make informed decisions about what matters most to you and other people around you.

Four Pillars of Emotional intelligence:

1. Self Awareness

Self awareness is the ability to understand your strengths and weaknesses, and how they affect your thoughts and behavior.

A good way to assess your self awareness is by being realistic. You evaluate yourself, get feedback from close friends, family e.t.c You’ll discover how you’re perceived.

2. Self Management

Self management is the ability to keep your impulse in check, adapt to changes and stressful circumstances despite setbacks and maintain a positive outlook. You could do this by taking a walk, breathing deeply, calling a friend, changing your environment, reading some of the best books on emotional intelligence  e.t.c

3. Social Awareness

Social awareness is the ability to understand other’s feelings, needs, concerns and perspective. Socially aware people practice empathy and stand out from the crowd. While self awareness is important, social awareness will save you from a lot of arguments and build better and healthy relationships with people. Active listening is a key to social awareness.

4. Relationship Management

Relationship management refers to the ability to develop and maintain healthy relationships with others. You inspire, influence, and manage conflict effectively. Communication is the key to relationship management.

5 Signs Of Emotional Intelligence

People with high emotional intelligence identify their own weaknesses and empathize with others easily, while people with low emotional intelligence are more likely to suffer bitter and difficulties in relating to others. Low emotional intelligence can be a major setback in career, leadership, friendships and overall success.

These signs can tell if you’re are emotionally intelligent:

1. You’re Good At Reading People

Ability to read people’s thoughts, tones, mood, gestures, feelings and decisions in different situations is a strong sign of emotional intelligence.

2. You’re Good At Listening

Hearing is slightly different from listening. It is possible to hear without listening to what you heard. Hearing is listening is the sound of the speaker while listening is giving attention to the words of the speaker and how they’re saying it.

3. You’re Good At Communication

Knowing what to say, when to say it  and how to say it are the basic elements of good communication. However, good communication starts with active listening.

Some of the best books on emotional intelligence or books generally can rapidly improve your quality of communication.

4. Empathy

Emotionally intelligent people understand the feelings of others and how their own words can affect them. This is why they have little or no difficulty forming close relationships.

5. You’re In Full Control Of Your Thoughts

Despite setbacks around you, that positive attitude is a sign of emotional intelligence. The situation doesn’t interfere with your response and reaction towards others and yourself. Your thoughts are not triggers, they remain thoughts and fade away over time.

There’s plenty of materials anyone can sift through on their journey to learn more about improving emotional intelligence.

5 Best Books On Emotional Intelligence

Here are 5 books believed to be the best books on emotional intelligence

1.  How To Win Friends And Influence People- Dale Carnegie

Dale Carnegie was an American writer and course creator on various niches as: sales and marketing, self improvement, interpersonal skills, public speaking and corporate training. His book; How to Win Friends and Influence People sold millions of copies becoming one of the best selling self-help books of all time.

How to win friends and influence people provides a masterclass on how to deal with someone with low emotional intelligence, making a lasting first impression and avoiding arguments effectively. It contains what you need to know about becoming skillful, socially aware, leveraging your ideas and creativity, building relationships the right way, closing deals, networking, general sales and marketing, good planning and significantly emotional intelligence.

Some take home points in this book regarding emotional intelligence:

– Take interest in other people’s interest

– Smile send a unique message we like to receive

– Listen longer, discuss what matters to people and leave them a little better.

– Avoid arguments, Replace “you’re wrong” with “I disagree”

– Admit fault emphatically as soon as possible

– Engage with empathy.

This makes this classic self help book one of the best books on emotional intelligence and deserves to sit in this list.

2. Emotional Intelligence – Daniel Goleman

Daniel Goleman is an author and science journalist, aside from this book, Goleman has written books on different topics including self-deception, creativity, transparency, meditation, social and emotional learning.

According to Goleman, emotional intelligence is a skill that can be taught and cultivated.  This book explains emotional intelligence in a way that simply makes sense, provides you with the components of emotional intelligence, symptoms of emotions, how to identify your temperament and emotions, building relationships and improving emotions.

If you’re looking to tighten your emotional intelligence or dig from scratch about emotional intelligence exercises to improve yourself, emotional intelligence By Golman explains all that in detail.

3. Emotional Intelligence For The Modern Leaders – Christopher Connors

Christopher Connors is an emotional thought leader, Author, executive coach and leadership consultant.

Emotional intelligence for the modern leader gives you insights on:

• how to use emotional quotient, exercise and tools about emotional intelligence and how to make it happen.
• What it means to lead with high emotional intelligence and how you can make it part of your culture.
• How to fully determine what your professional leadership style is and how that affects the people around you.
• Taking advantage of self-assessment tools that allow you to effectively and efficiently improve your abilities.
• Becoming the amazing leader you’ve always wanted to be with this emotional intelligence enhancing guide.

4. Dare To Lead – Brene Brown

Brene Brown is a research professor. Dare to lead is the culmination of years of study on courage and leadership.

Brene highlights the power of using emotional intelligence, what it means to dare greatly, rise strongly and brave the wilderness. Dare to lead is a great pick for emotional intelligence exercises and arguably one of the top books on emotional intelligence.

5. Secret Hoops – Phil Jackson

Phil Jackson is an American former basketball player and Coach.

Secret Hoops is Phil Jackson’s book sharing his journey of becoming one of the greatest NBA coaches of all time. Phil went from playing pro ball to coaching as his career took off from there.

Secret Hoops is not written for only sports lovers, it relates to psychology in many ways, how cognitive thinking can affect profession.

Are you a coach, teacher or leader looking to up your psychological and emotional intelligence to approach life and career in a  quality manner ? Are you looking to make better decisions and master emotional intelligence ? This book is highly recommended.

Conclusion

Emotional intelligence is as vital as intelligent quotient. Even though much emphasis is laid on intelligence quotient, recent researches show that emotional intelligence could matter a lot more. Learned emotional intelligence is built by different factors. Reading books definitely shapes and sharpens your emotions and generally improves the quality of your personality. This list of some best books on emotional intelligence should serve the purpose.